I surrender.

​I’m at a point where I’m trying hard, to fool myself and trying hard to pretend. But despite the desperate attempts, I’m failing. I’m failing, over and over again. I’ve succeeded in convincing my friends, and the guy I’m dating. I tell them that your betrayal makes me hate you. But that’s no where near the truth. The truth is that I feel you in the air I breathe. I search you in every man I meet. Some of them have a similar voice, some have similar color of eyes, others have a similar physique and still others have a similar intellect. But….but no one is you. I loved you for everything you were.I loved your softness and your harshness too, I loved the way we cuddled and loved the way you pushed me away. I loved your voice when you said those ‘I love you’s’, and loved it when you shouted too. I loved the way you loved me and loved the way you hated. I loved you and everything about you. I long for everything you were. And I must be sick for having thinking this way, but the more pain you give me, the more attached I feel to you. Because my darling, only you have the power to make me, and to break me. Having been broken gazillion times, by you, for you, I am still perturbed the most, when you’re in pain. My pain doesn’t depresses me, your does. At 2 in the morning, I still lie awake, wondering if you’re fine, and happy. If my absence makes you happy, I swear I will never tread your path. I’m happy with the pain you gave me as long as you’re happy with her. But promise me love, promise me, you’ll always smile the way you did, when we first met. Take care of yourself, and I’ll be fine by myself. I’ll be yours forever, inspite of the fact that you’ll never be mine. That type of love, darling, that type of love. The truth is, I am never going to get over you, not in this life and not in the lives to come, because for me, you and I, were one
 ( Stream of thoughts, when I see him, with her.)

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