I surrender.

​I’m at a point where I’m trying hard, to fool myself and trying hard to pretend. But despite the desperate attempts, I’m failing. I’m failing, over and over again. I’ve succeeded in convincing my friends, and the guy I’m dating. I tell them that your betrayal makes me hate you. But that’s no where near the truth. The truth is that I feel you in the air I breathe. I search you in every man I meet. Some of them have a similar voice, some have similar color of eyes, others have a similar physique and still others have a similar intellect. But….but no one is you. I loved you for everything you were.I loved your softness and your harshness too, I loved the way we cuddled and loved the way you pushed me away. I loved your voice when you said those ‘I love you’s’, and loved it when you shouted too. I loved the way you loved me and loved the way you hated. I loved you and everything about you. I long for everything you were. And I must be sick for having thinking this way, but the more pain you give me, the more attached I feel to you. Because my darling, only you have the power to make me, and to break me. Having been broken gazillion times, by you, for you, I am still perturbed the most, when you’re in pain. My pain doesn’t depresses me, your does. At 2 in the morning, I still lie awake, wondering if you’re fine, and happy. If my absence makes you happy, I swear I will never tread your path. I’m happy with the pain you gave me as long as you’re happy with her. But promise me love, promise me, you’ll always smile the way you did, when we first met. Take care of yourself, and I’ll be fine by myself. I’ll be yours forever, inspite of the fact that you’ll never be mine. That type of love, darling, that type of love. The truth is, I am never going to get over you, not in this life and not in the lives to come, because for me, you and I, were one
 ( Stream of thoughts, when I see him, with her.)

The great grand society.

I will be convinced that you deserve to live, only when you prove your worth. Otherwise, I may put you down, assault you, objectify you, or even kill you.’

  •  If you somehow manage to enter this world, I will make sure to turn your life into a living hell. 
  • I may or may not provide you with education, but it hardly matters. You better focus on household chores, the corporate world is not your cup of tea.
  •  Find a job that is not demanding, because your only priority should be your family. Marriage is the ultimate goal, adjust your whole life accordingly. 
  • How dare you wear clothes of your choice? You are my puppet, and you are meant to bow your head, and follow what I say. 
  • Do not leave your house after sunset, I am not sane, and I have no control over my senses, I may exploit you. After all, it is completely human to make ‘mistakes’.
  • Pay me for leaving your parents, and for getting married, I would not find a better opportunity to make money. Not only this, also bear all the expenses of your wedding alone. Why? Because that’s how it is meant to be, don’t you dare question our customs. After marriage, I may also force myself upon you. There is no such thing as marital rape. 

 I am the ‘society’, and  I promise to leave no stone unturned in order to ruin your life. 

How does that sound to you? Monstrous, isn’t it? Reality is harsh, always. The ugliest part is, it is you and I who make the society.

To realise that female foeticide is something inhumane, or that females are equally human, what were we all waiting for? Sakshi Malik‘s medal, I suppose. Lately, everyone seems to have realised, about girl power, about how girls can achieve heights if given a chance. Perhaps, we need P.V Sindhu, Sakshi Malik, and alikes, to make us realise that females deserve to be treated as humans.  

Do not we all agree to the fact that each one of us has the right to education, and that gender has no role to play in this? So, do not make her struggle for her rights, just because she is woman.

Marriage is a part of life, it is in no way the ultimate goal of life. Do not ask her to make adjustments with her education and career, just because she is a woman, in order to present her as a perfect marriage material. Sharing the responsibilities of the house would in no way dwindle the maleness of a man.

When you tell a woman that she needs to know how to cook, that should not be because of her gender, but because no one of us can live without food, and knowing to cook would make her a little more independent. 

Believe me, alcohol is not biased, like us. It would harm women and men equally. So, the next time you ask her not to drink, that should again not be because of her gender. 

 Today, I make an audacious attempt to ask you something, and by you I refer to the society. Is man a material who has been put up for auction? No? Then why on earth, do you think that a woman has to pay him for getting married? Where does his male-ego go when he shamelessly spreads his hands before ‘her‘ parents and puts himself on sale, in the name of customs and traditions? I refuse to  succumb to such customs, I refuse to call him a man, he is no more than a unscrupulous person whose ego has been boosted by people who are blinded by customs. Also remember, if a man ever stoops to harassing a woman, he should cease to call himself a man from that day. 

This should not be perceived as feminism. That is a controversial term. I am talking about something very basic. Is it not possible that each one of us is treated equally, irrespective of our gender? 

Despite being a female I stand against feminism, whose definition has been distorted to suit our needs. Females should neither be given undue privileges, nor should they be made to regret their gender. I implore, do not respect females because of their gender, also don’t pity them for belonging to the weaker sex. Rather, treat them as you would treat any human. Women are niether inferior nor superior to men, they are equal. We did not get a chance to choose our gender, did we? It is not a mistake to be a female, do not punish her for something she didn’t even get to choose. In case, you were waiting for me to tell you that a woman is as much of a human as a man is, I have done that.

(Only if we all could manage to be a little more humane.)

Day of love.

They were madly in love, but at times, just love isn’t enough to be able to stay together, forever. They had to shelve their ‘togetherness’, their relationship, due to emotional constraints. Her dad did not approve their relationship, and they could not marry each other, but as it is said, love knows no bounds. Her dad could forcibly end their relationship, but not their love. Her parents married her to the man who was best suited to her, according to them.

With him, her life was suffocating. Eventually, she learned to adjust, she learned to live, without love. Though the man she was married to, took care of all her needs, but something was missing. The love was missing, the charm was missing. After 2 months of their marriage, one fine night, destiny decided to play tricks on them. She went to sleep, according to her routine. He was working in the next room, on some presentation, which was to be submitted, the next morning. Late that night, she got a call. Even those sleepy eyes, at once, could recognize that number. The call was from her ex – boyfriend, the only love of her life. Train of thoughts went through her mind. She couldn’t decide whether she was still eligible for taking that call or not. Then something struck her mind – taking that call would be analogous to cheating her husband.  She, in a breath, remembered all the care and concern, her husband showers her with. She couldn’t be that ruthless. Flustered by the chain reaction of her emotions and thoughts, she got up to look for her husband.

 She stood at the door of his room, when she saw, he was busy over a phone call. She eavesdropped on his conversation – 

“But..but try and understand, it is not possible now. You have to move on. Listen, I loved you truly, but now I do not. It wasn’t our mistake but perhaps we weren’t meant to be. I am married to a beautiful woman. She is innocent and she trusts me, I can see that in her eyes. I cannot hurt that pure soul, I cannot break her trust. She loves me and I can never  think of betraying her. Please, for heaven’s sake, never try to contact me. Goodbye”, he said, over the phone.

Without uttering a single word she went back into her room.

She now knew, her marriage wasn’t a mistake. They were destined to be together. She realized that sometimes, the things we think are best for us, are not, and that second chances are special. Destiny always has better plans. She knew she was going to fall for this man, for his loyalty and for his truthfulness, over and over again, all through her life. No longer, did she need to hold her breath. The air around her wasn’t suffocating anymore, it was rather comfortable and warm. She, finally, inhaled her present, and exhaled her past. 

(What has to happen, happens. They finally, found their day of love.)

© Naina khare

The other woman.

No, I am not jealous.  

I still remember the day when I saw her, for the first time. She is everything, I am not. She has everything, I do not. She is epitome of perfection, I can never be. 

She has things, I can never have. She has you, I can only dream of. I understand she is flawless and I can never match her, but you know what? I do not want to. You know why? Simply because I love you, the way she can never do. She is your trophy, you can show her off, but you can never show your real self to her. My dear, you are living a life of pretence. You can take her to the parties and make her meet your friends. “Damn! How hot your girlfriend is!”,they say. You get that sense of pride, but you cannot find happiness in her hotness. Why do you need me, at 3 in the morning, to share that embarrassing childhood experience? You pamper her with expensive gifts and take her on long drives. Then why do you need me, for those late night walks? How can you go days without talking to her, and need me, each night, to tell about each hour of your day? You tell her about your accomplishments, and share your failures with me. On your difficult days, why doesn’t her presence comfort you, and an ‘everything will be fine’, from me comforts you to the core? Why do you never make an eye contact with her and dive a thousand times in my eyes, when we talk? Why do you need to hug me after you have had a bad day? Why do you bare your soul infront of me? You love her, you say. Then, why don’t you, be you, infront of her?

 I am the ‘other woman’ of your life. If this is what, the other woman gets, I do not regret being one.

Am I jealous

No, baby, no, you do not give me a chance to be.

I pity you.

No, I do not hate you. Why would I?

 I do not regret a single moment of our togetherness. Those moments were ‘life’ to me. I do not want revenge either. No, I am not jealous. I do not have reasons to be. Time is an elixir, and my scars will heal. But sweetheart, I pity you. 

I pity you, for pushing me to a point where I no longer care. I pity you, for not being able to taste love. I pity you, because no one will ever be able to love you, the way I used to do. You have missed the chance of being under the spell of my unearthly love. I feel so sorry for you, love. 

Better luck, in the next life.