Equality v/s Superiority

Feminism. As soon as I utter this word, I can smell disgust and see those men rolling their eyes on me. And being a woman, as much as I want to be a part of this raging war, I cannot bring myself to fathom its utility. Equality is one thing. But superiority? In the garb of empowerment, we are fighting for superiority. And why feminism? Why not equality? Why do we have to be biased; inclined to a chosen section of the society? Only if we take a break from this knee jerk approach, and for once stop following the flock blindly, we will realise what we are doing. I do realise, that even today women are oppressed. They do not get their basic rights. And the worse is that they are made to believe that they are the weaker section. All this makes equality a necessity but not superiority. Feminism is no more about equality. It never was. It always reeked of privileges. What is it that you’re seeking? Why do ‘women’ deserve to be respected? People command respect, gender doesn’t. Women deserve to respected just as men do and just as any human does. Women are fighting to prove that they can do better than their male counterparts. And the truth is no where close to this. Because no, women cannot do better than men. Women can do things just as well as men can do. Wouldn’t world be a calmer place if we stop this war against each other and respect each other just as all humans deserve to be respected? In a world where female foeticide is unfortunately commonplace, where still girls are bereft of basic education. Where dowry is a custom(dare I question that), and marital rapes..oh! Sorry, did I just cross my limits? In a world where we are still not able to root out these fiendish acts that take place against women, we choose to distort the definition of feminism till it suits our comfort. Because yes, you can choose what do you want to do with your life. Because no, if you choose not to smoke, or if you cannot leave your house after 10p.m, do not play your oppression cards. You’re not supressed. Because no, the length of your skirt in no way defines your character but it does define your mentality if you do that just to prove that you are exercising your freedom. Because okay, show your skin if you want to. If that makes you confident and beautiful, do it. But you don’t need to do it to prove that you’re exercising your freedom. Equality is needed. Basic rights are needed. Feminism isn’t. There are many important issues worth fighting for. If you want to, fight against the vehement prohibitions and injustice that exist in the name of traditions. Fight because many girls didn’t get to see this world because of their gender. Fight for the girls who do not even know what your feminism is, because they are deprived of education. They need it. And believe me, they do not care if you choose to expose your bra strap or not.

©naina_khare

Arrival of good.

We have been taught to believe that all good things take time, but do arrive at last. Honestly, I have always been skeptical about this. Why wouldn’t I be? When throughout your life you breathe the intoxic, you find it hard to breathe the innocuous. When you’ve been habituated to the venom in your veins, you find it difficult to accept that there should be blood in them. When you’ve been used to people giving up and walking over you, you find it strange when someone stays. When you’ve been through the darkness of hatred, you find the light of love blinding. But our heart, it never actually ages, like a 4 year old, it adjusts, it accepts, and it forgives. And no, it doesn’t take time. When a speck of good comes to us, at an instance, our heart starts dancing to the rythm, no matter how bruised it may be. It doesn’t always gets in sync with the rationality of our minds. Logics, facts, norms, all the rights and all the wrongs, nothing is an impediment strong enough to cease its jubilant steps. It’ll always be naive enough to fall for the trap; the trap of hope, the trap of expectations. Over and over again, all through your life. All the rationality, all the opinions; no matter how strong, wither. When you may be flawlessly pretending that you’ve embraced the thorns of life, just then, life will throw roses at you to make you realise that good exists and that you too have a share in it. Despite being well aware of the lasting pain that temporary joys bring, our heart takes the plunge. Only in the hope that this may be the last time, may be this time fate will let it last.

He was a nightmare,

in the garb of a beautiful morning dream.

And all I wanted was to keep on living it .

(If only I was not blinded by YOU.)

Why would I not love him?

I am a hopeless, mad girl. Believe me, when I say that. Convinced, already? No?

Is it not mad to love a person so much that it destroys every ounce of your sanity? My senses do not function normally. Why do I say that? Because I have loved a person to an insane point where there was only destruction, waiting to engulf me. His fire of indifference, burned every part of me. I loved the way he consumed me, and cherish myself, because he has been so passionate towards me.

He used to get close to me, hypnotising my soul, and tell me that I was his only one. I know he wasn’t lying. I was truly the only one whom he loved to afflict with excruciating pain. The only one whom he loved to see, begging for few drops of his love. Why would I not love such a loyal man?

I used to draw rebuke from him, each time I told him that I had missed him all day long, and wanted him to talk to me. But it wasn’t his mistake, there’s nothing wrong in not wanting to talk to anyone after an exhausting day, so what, if I just wanted a few minutes, to share his load over a cup of coffee. I understand. Anyway, he always used to make up for that, at night, by proving his manliness in a closed room. Why would I not love such a considerate man?

Each time, when his phone went busy at 11 pm, he used to clarify that it was his boss dictating him some work for the next day. So what, if he told this even on Saturday nights. I believed him, he surely wasn’t lying. Why would I not love such a professional man?

He cannot be blamed for not being there with me when I went through those 3 am-anxiety-attacks. After all, he had duties to fulfill, he was busy in a meeting with a client. Although, I still wonder why those meetings used to take place after midnight, in a hotel room. But he must be having his reasons, afterall work comes prior. Why would I not love such a dedicated man?
I know he wasn’t wrong when he left me. I gave him enough reasons to do so. He told me that my love was suffocating him, he couldn’t take more of it, and that I should understand. I do understand. Why would I not love such a veracious man?

He was epitome of perfection. Maybe it was my mistake, I couldn’t ever love him right.

I hope you all believe me now, I am just a hopeless, mad girl, burning in the never-ending fire of his unearthly love.

Movie review – Dear zindagi.

I do not get convinced easily, and I do not find anything wrong in the fact that it takes something really out of the box to sweep me off my feets. I recently came across one such thing.

I was pretty positive about the movie –Dear zindagi, since the time it was announced. Shahrukh khan being one of the lead characters, acted as icing on the cake.

In India the film released on 25th November, 2016. The film casts Shahrukh khan and Alia bhatt as the main leads. The two actors perfectly fit into the characters of Dr. Jehangir khan and kaira, respectively.

It is a light, positive, soul-searching film. You may or may not love the film, but you will definitely relate to kaira’s character. We all have been in her shoes at some point of time. The film deals with our day-to-day life, and reassures the fact that at times, we are the cause of our own sufferings. Dear zindagi is a common, yet immensely beautiful journey of a girl who is gradually learning to deal with the tantrums that life throws at her. She is frustrated and depressed with her life, like most of us. Eventually, she finds a guide who uncomplicates her life.

5 things Dear zindagi teaches us which we need to instill in our lives-

Mental illness, of any kind, is not something to be ashamed of. It’s high time that we behaved a little empathetically. Also, understand that people who consult psychiatrist are not necessarily mad.
It is okay, not to be okay. We need not act fine when we are not. It is necessary to vent out our emotions. There is nothing worse than partially lived moments. Happiness and sadness are phases, we cannot skip any of them. Cry till your tears dry, all by themselves.
Learn to let go. To live our present, we have to be at peace with our past. Inhale your present, exhale your past.
There is no such thing as perfect relationship or a perfect person. You’ll run into many temporary people in your life. Having been in more than one failed- relationship, simply means that you are yet to find the love of your life.
You are stronger than you suppose. Don’t let the patterns of your life control you, break the patterns. Have enough courage to control your life, or else someone will sit on the driving seat and drive your life away.

The beauty of the film lies in its simplicity. If you’re up for some introspection, do watch this unconventional drama.

Unearthly Love.

How about getting drunk tonight,

Till the harsh reality gets out of sight?

As your fingers touch my skin,

I ask myself is this not a sin?

Has a magical spell been cast,

Which is why these moments are passing so fast?

For once, can’t time just cease?

To let your warm breath make my heart freeze.

Can you see these scars, so deep and blue?

Each one of these, waits to be healed by you.

Look here, into my bleeding eyes,

This is the result of me trying to silent my cries.

No, do not break this glance,

I do not know if I’ll ever get a chance.

Let me be lost in this moment with you,

For how I have waited for ages, you do not have a clue.

As the poison plays its role,

Memories of unrequited love flinch my soul.

Before my body turns pale and blue,

Make my last wish come true.

Hold me tight as I breathe my last, Hear me love, for I repeat my words fast.

In all the lives to come,

Except this one where my breaths are drawing a line;

I promise that I’ll be yours, and you’ll be mine.

I surrender.

I’m at a point where I’m trying hard, to fool myself and trying hard to pretend. But despite the desperate attempts, I’m failing. I’m failing, over and over again. I’ve succeeded in convincing my friends, and the guy I’m dating. I tell them that your betrayal makes me hate you. But that’s no where near the truth. The truth is that I feel you in the air I breathe. I search you in every man I meet. Some of them have a similar voice, some have similar color of eyes, others have a similar physique and still others have a similar intellect. But….but no one is you. I loved you for everything you were.I loved your softness and your harshness too, I loved the way we cuddled and loved the way you pushed me away. I loved your voice when you said those ‘I love you’s’, and loved it when you shouted too. I loved the way you loved me and loved the way you hated. I loved you and everything about you. I long for everything you were. And I must be sick for having thinking this way, but the more pain you give me, the more attached I feel to you. Because my darling, only you have the power to make me, and to break me. Having been broken gazillion times, by you, for you, I am still perturbed the most, when you’re in pain. My pain doesn’t depresses me, your does. At 2 in the morning, I still lie awake, wondering if you’re fine, and happy. If my absence makes you happy, I swear I will never tread your path. I’m happy with the pain you gave me as long as you’re happy with her. But promise me love, promise me, you’ll always smile the way you did, when we first met. Take care of yourself, and I’ll be fine by myself. I’ll be yours forever, inspite of the fact that you’ll never be mine. That type of love, darling, that type of love. The truth is, I am never going to get over you, not in this life and not in the lives to come, because for me, you and I, were one
( Stream of thoughts, when I see him, with her.)

The great grand society.

‘I will be convinced that you deserve to live, only when you prove your worth. Otherwise, I may put you down, assault you, objectify you, or even kill you.’

If you somehow manage to enter this world, I will make sure to turn your life into a living hell.
I may or may not provide you with education, but it hardly matters. You better focus on household chores, the corporate world is not your cup of tea.
Find a job that is not demanding, because your only priority should be your family. Marriage is the ultimate goal, adjust your whole life accordingly.
How dare you wear clothes of your choice? You are my puppet, and you are meant to bow your head, and follow what I say.
Do not leave your house after sunset, I am not sane, and I have no control over my senses, I may exploit you. After all, it is completely human to make ‘mistakes’.
Pay me for leaving your parents, and for getting married, I would not find a better opportunity to make money. Not only this, also bear all the expenses of your wedding alone. Why? Because that’s how it is meant to be, don’t you dare question our customs. After marriage, I may also force myself upon you. There is no such thing as marital rape.

I am the ‘society’, and I promise to leave no stone unturned in order to ruin your life.

How does that sound to you? Monstrous, isn’t it? Reality is harsh, always. The ugliest part is, it is you and I who make the society.

To realise that female foeticide is something inhumane, or that females are equally human, what were we all waiting for? Sakshi Malik‘s medal, I suppose. Lately, everyone seems to have realised, about girl power, about how girls can achieve heights if given a chance. Perhaps, we need P.V Sindhu, Sakshi Malik, and alikes, to make us realise that females deserve to be treated as humans.

Do not we all agree to the fact that each one of us has the right to education, and that gender has no role to play in this? So, do not make her struggle for her rights, just because she is woman.

Marriage is a part of life, it is in no way the ultimate goal of life. Do not ask her to make adjustments with her education and career, just because she is a woman, in order to present her as a perfect marriage material. Sharing the responsibilities of the house would in no way dwindle the maleness of a man.

When you tell a woman that she needs to know how to cook, that should not be because of her gender, but because no one of us can live without food, and knowing to cook would make her a little more independent.

Believe me, alcohol is not biased, like us. It would harm women and men equally. So, the next time you ask her not to drink, that should again not be because of her gender.

Today, I make an audacious attempt to ask you something, and by you I refer to the society. Is man a material who has been put up for auction? No? Then why on earth, do you think that a woman has to pay him for getting married? Where does his male-ego go when he shamelessly spreads his hands before ‘her‘ parents and puts himself on sale, in the name of customs and traditions? I refuse to succumb to such customs, I refuse to call him a man, he is no more than a unscrupulous person whose ego has been boosted by people who are blinded by customs. Also remember, if a man ever stoops to harassing a woman, he should cease to call himself a man from that day.

This should not be perceived as feminism. That is a controversial term. I am talking about something very basic. Is it not possible that each one of us is treated equally, irrespective of our gender?

Despite being a female I stand against feminism, whose definition has been distorted to suit our needs. Females should neither be given undue privileges, nor should they be made to regret their gender. I implore, do not respect females because of their gender, also don’t pity them for belonging to the weaker sex. Rather, treat them as you would treat any human. Women are niether inferior nor superior to men, they are equal. We did not get a chance to choose our gender, did we? It is not a mistake to be a female, do not punish her for something she didn’t even get to choose. In case, you were waiting for me to tell you that a woman is as much of a human as a man is, I have done that.

(Only if we all could manage to be a little more humane.)

Day of love.

They were madly in love, but at times, just love isn’t enough to be able to stay together, forever. They had to shelve their ‘togetherness’, their relationship, due to emotional constraints. Her dad did not approve their relationship, and they could not marry each other, but as it is said, love knows no bounds. Her dad could forcibly end their relationship, but not their love. Her parents married her to the man who was best suited to her, according to them.

With him, her life was suffocating. Eventually, she learned to adjust, she learned to live, without love. Though the man she was married to, took care of all her needs, but something was missing. The love was missing, the charm was missing. After 2 months of their marriage, one fine night, destiny decided to play tricks on them. She went to sleep, according to her routine. He was working in the next room, on some presentation, which was to be submitted, the next morning. Late that night, she got a call. Even those sleepy eyes, at once, could recognize that number. The call was from her ex – boyfriend, the only love of her life. Train of thoughts went through her mind. She couldn’t decide whether she was still eligible for taking that call or not. Then something struck her mind – taking that call would be analogous to cheating her husband. She, in a breath, remembered all the care and concern, her husband showers her with. She couldn’t be that ruthless. Flustered by the chain reaction of her emotions and thoughts, she got up to look for her husband.

She stood at the door of his room, when she saw, he was busy over a phone call. She eavesdropped on his conversation –

“But..but try and understand, it is not possible now. You have to move on. Listen, I loved you truly, but now I do not. It wasn’t our mistake but perhaps we weren’t meant to be. I am married to a beautiful woman. She is innocent and she trusts me, I can see that in her eyes. I cannot hurt that pure soul, I cannot break her trust. She loves me and I can never think of betraying her. Please, for heaven’s sake, never try to contact me. Goodbye”, he said, over the phone.

Without uttering a single word she went back into her room.

She now knew, her marriage wasn’t a mistake. They were destined to be together. She realized that sometimes, the things we think are best for us, are not, and that second chances are special. Destiny always has better plans. She knew she was going to fall for this man, for his loyalty and for his truthfulness, over and over again, all through her life. No longer, did she need to hold her breath. The air around her wasn’t suffocating anymore, it was rather comfortable and warm. She, finally, inhaled her present, and exhaled her past.

–(What has to happen, happens. They finally, found their day of love.)

The other woman.

No, I am not jealous.

I still remember the day when I saw her, for the first time. She is everything, I am not. She has everything, I do not. She is epitome of perfection, I can never be.

She has things, I can never have. She has you, I can only dream of. I understand she is flawless and I can never match her, but you know what? I do not want to. You know why? Simply because I love you, the way she can never do. She is your trophy, you can show her off, but you can never show your real self to her. My dear, you are living a life of pretence. You can take her to the parties and make her meet your friends. “Damn! How hot your girlfriend is!”,they say. You get that sense of pride, but you cannot find happiness in her hotness. Why do you need me, at 3 in the morning, to share that embarrassing childhood experience? You pamper her with expensive gifts and take her on long drives. Then why do you need me, for those late night walks? How can you go days without talking to her, and need me, each night, to tell about each hour of your day? You tell her about your accomplishments, and share your failures with me. On your difficult days, why doesn’t her presence comfort you, and an ‘everything will be fine’, from me comforts you to the core? Why do you never make an eye contact with her and dive a thousand times in my eyes, when we talk? Why do you need to hug me after you have had a bad day? Why do you bare your soul infront of me? You love her, you say. Then, why don’t you, be you, infront of her?

I am the ‘other woman’ of your life. If this is what, the other woman gets, I do not regret being one.

Am I jealous?

No, baby, no, you do not give me a chance to be.

Web of Words by Naina khare.

Let us lose ourselves, for once, in the world of words.